this is what i think about my education.

This is a reflection on what my education has been, what I wish it had been, and what I think this all means now.

as of September 15, 2012...

Autobiography of a Learner

            When I think about my experience as a learner, most of the negative aspects are linked to years spent in an educational experience that had to do with some kind of testing. Reflecting on these years, I can make the most connections to the themes mentioned in the articles by Freire and Foucault. Most of these connections are related to Examination.

            I remember being extremely distressed as a second grader learning my multiplication tables. We had a bulletin board with pockets of flash cards specific to one multiplication table. The flash cards were from 0-12. The way you moved onto the next set of flash cards was if you were able to complete a timed test given by the teacher. I never moved past learning how to multiply by nines. This was devastating. The feeling this system gave me was reproduced throughout my education when I didn’t feel like I was learning as fast as everyone else or not meeting the standards we, as students, thought were of utmost importance.

            The constant methods of examination during my education is what makes me the most frustrated. Reading over the articles written by Freire and Foucault allow me to put a name to what was so troubling to me as a student. Freire describes the image of teachers putting their students into “containers”. He says, “the more completely she fills the receptacles, the better a teacher she is.” (Freire, 72). When I read this metaphor and thought back on my experience, I was reminded of how true this was. Teachers are given standards that their students have to meet. If they don’t meet these exact standards, they’re not a good enough teacher. It might not even be what their opinion is on what their students should be learning, but that doesn’t matter. The education system we’re so familiar with puts a lot of pressure onto educators to make their students the most intelligent.

            There are so many publications that publish lists of “the best schools” in the area and many organizations that give out awards to school based on their standardized testing scores. For example, at this moment the high school that I went to has displayed on their website that it has been ranked number 20 out of 672 Illinois high schools. This means that Vernon Hills has earned a gold medal. Under this description it says that the ranking was based on “student to teacher ratio, college readiness, math proficiency, and reading proficiency”.  I’m really happy to know that the state gives out these awards solely based on these reasons. That was terribly sarcastic. After reading through the readings for this week, I realized how absolutely worthless and ridiculous these categories are in regards to making what Freire describes as “problem-posing education”. I now wish my education had a much more significant focus on this kind of consciousness based teaching.

I had some lovely, inspiring teachers whose teachings will stay with me for the rest of my life. These teachings have absolutely nothing to do with anything academic. These teachers made an effort to connect with their students, making sure each individual was recognized with their individuality in mind. Standardized testing was still something that was incorporated, but we, as students, knew that these teachers didn’t like that system. For this reason, testing was something that was of secondary importance. And we still did fine on those tests.

Reflecting on my education has really just made me more upset about the obscene amount of examination that occurred all throughout my schooling. In fact, it seems this testing had enough impact on our lives to make my peers and I to (very rarely) touch on it again. I had the “what did you get on the ACT?” discussion far too many times. We shouldn’t be continuing to talk about something that happened four years ago. But the system of standardized testing is ingrained in our minds. Scary.

Basically, this idea of examination has instilled in me a very prominent feeling of fear throughout much of my education. Fear that I wasn’t learning enough, that I wasn’t getting good enough grades, that the two digit number that was supposed to represent an entire eleven years of education wasn’t going to get me into the educational institution I wanted to attend.

This class has made me do a lot of reflection about my education. I enjoy the fact that I can now pinpoint what was off about my experience and why sometimes, it made me feel unsuccessful and unintelligent. I feel as though I can continue through my education knowing what I’d like to change. 

UPDATE: I had a lot more to reflect on than just the amount of testing going on during my education. How about the standards we were expected to meet? How about the fact that no one ever asked me what bothered me about Cinderella? This semester has really allowed me to do a whole lot more of reflecting. Major, huge, huge reflection.